“Don’t talk to her that way, Mama! Stop it right now, you are hurting her feelings.”
I starred at Madelyn standing stern between myself and her older sister. She was about to engage in a battle. Her stance was tall. Her eyebrows curved narrow and sharp. Her arms held up, ready to defend. Eye to eye, her gaze was immovable.
I was being disciplined by my daughter.
“I mean it, Mama. Don’t do that.”
Isabella was upset because she accidentally switched her lunch pail with a school mate. Every attempt I made to ease the situation went awry and she couldn’t stop crying. We were in the parking lot and the girls remained seated as I continually pleaded for them to get out of the truck. I was acutely aware of every ray of sun beating on my back that threatened to penetrate my skin and burn anger within. Exhaustion set in with every defiant look and patience was wearing thin.
Almost eight years ago, as a young mom, I had an extremely short fuse. I angered easily, lost patience at the slightest of unmet expectations and yelled at my children in the heat of the moment. I remember days I dug strong fingers into arms of three-year-old, picking her up to move her to the bottom of the stairs. Time.Out.Now. My heart would be sent in a race, a furious race, that literally left me out of breath.
These instances were few and far in between, but the intensity of such moments indicated a need to change.
The Holy Spirit dealt strictly and strongly, convicting me of that anger and over the years, the yelling turned into kneeling down, eyes meeting little eyes, deep breaths and explaining actions and consequences. Fingers that once dug deep to grip arms strong, embraced arms to hug, comfort and love. I learned to let go of my unrealistic expectations and pray about which battles to engage in.
My husband will admit I am not who I once was.
However, here in the parking lot, in the face of the glares of my daughter, that anger dared to quickly resurface.
I glanced past Madelyn and saw Isabella wipe tears.
“Mommy, I don’t like you talking to Bella like that. If I have to, I’ll get in trouble myself so you don’t yell at her. I don’t want Bella hurting.”
Inner temperature rising, I felt the Holy Spirit remind me of why He came. He is the bridge who willingly took on the punishment of the world. As Maddie stood there, speaking with all conviction in her heart, willingness to get in trouble so her sister would feel better, I knew I needed to reconcile with my daughter, the way my Heavenly Father did with me.
I was being disciplined by my Father.
Defiance, pride, stubbornness and selfishness kept me from apologizing in that moment, even though I knew the Holy Spirit prompted me to humble myself.
We finally made our way home and as I began cooking, Bella read out loud a magnet that has been on our refrigerator for months.
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” James 1:19
Gulp.
I was in trouble and my Heavenly Father was not going to withdraw His hand of discipline.
All I could do was respond with a sincere heart. “Yes, sweetheart. I’m sorry. Mommy is still learning about that.”
How has God gotten your attention lately?
